Tuesday, August 2

Moving cyberhouses...?

Seems I own a domain.  Somehow this means I need to ditch blogger and head over to WordPress. Hmmm.

Wednesday, November 17

Change is the only constant in my life.

As I continue my journey with Cirque I have taken time to reflect on the changes my life has taken.  No longer am I the world traveling gypsy. No longer do I constantly think ahead to my next job, my next ship, my next city. I have sprouted a few roots here in Lasvegasland. I am learning my neighborhood and don't rely solely on Daniel (my GPS) to get around.  I have a general idea of where things are located.
In my not-so-distant past I lived several lives at once.  I was really three different people. (All me, but different incarnations.) In one place I was a Suzy Homemaker type, wife and step-mother.  In another I was Queen of the Seas where I mothered my brood of dancers and singers while living it up on my ships.  Lastly I was the Stage Manager who was slightly jaded and who pined for the past "Glory Days."
As I try to weave these three together into the "new me," I have taken lots of time to reflect. It got me thinking of my whole life and all the "different people" I have been.  You know what I mean, that person you were in high school while you struggled to find your identity, that slightly bolder person you were in college, the one who thought they knew it all after graduation.  These are only my versions, everyone has their own path.. but I hope you see what I am saying.
I used to tell people, "I resist change." And I suppose that was true.  But I realized several years ago that change is the only constant in my life.  I actually seek out change.  I still haven't really figured out what I want to be when I grow up.  I am always up to try something new. This is not a bad thing, it's just how I live my life.
When I took the job at Cirque I knew things were going to change a lot.  My lifestyle is different now.  I have the excitement of an ever-changing job but coupled with a place to call home. Things have not all fallen neatly into place....yet.  My husband, dog and the home I own are still all far away in Florida. I still have itchy feet because the travel bug is deep in my system. But so many of my "forever friends" live here that I feel connected and solid and loved.
A great friend of mine has been teaching me about living in the HereNow.  This was an alien concept to me a few short months ago.  I was programmed to always look ahead to my new job, my new ship, my new cast. Live this moment right now? Right this second? Why?  I need to think about next week, next month, next year.  Yeah.....no. It's hard work living in the moment.  I am getting there.  I'd say I live 70% in the HereNow.  Not too shabby, as I think before it was maybe 10%.  Seriously.
So here I am.  In my living room, listening to Jane Says on the ipod while my roomie makes a sandwich in the kitchen. What will I do with the rest of my day off?  Eh.  I'll decide as it comes. I am right here, right now.  Living and loving and BEING.
I am content. Thank you, Universe.
(and thank you, Sarah, for requesting a new blog post.)

Monday, October 4


I have been focusing on making some changes in my life.  I just found this online while Stumbling. It's pretty cool. eh?
The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. 
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
         - -  by Sonny Carroll

Tuesday, September 21


Yesterday was Zumanity's 7th anniversary! Hooray for Zumanity!!!

I also got the honor of running my track almost solo.  I don't have my Emergency Response classes so I can't be alone when the High Risk (read: aerial artists) are onstage because if something happens, I would not know exactly what to do.  It was still pretty awesome and I felt very good about it!

(insert some icky faces at the hotel/casino for cleaning out the grease traps and sewage tanks near the end of the show.  The Wall of Stench crept into the theater and we basically ran for our cars at the end of the champagne toast!)

However... work is still going well.  I still love it.  I still think I have the best job in the world and couldn't be happier.

Today is also the last work day before my weekend.  We are dark Wednesday and Thursday.  Can I just take a moment to rave about how awesome it is to have two days off in a row??? I didn't know how much I missed it until it came into my life.  I honestly can't remember the last time I had a two day weekend (on a REGULAR BASIS) in my line of work.  It was probably a fall season at Utah Shakes.  But even then, I am not sure it was on a regular basis.  It's so nice to have both a day to relax and do nothing AND a day to get all my personal stuff done.

Hooray for growing up and getting a "real" job.  Now don't get upset, all my Regional Theater peeps.  I'm not saying a real job... I'm saying a "real" job.  As is the majority of the population would not consider my job real any more than they consider your job real.  Ha! Seriously, have you read this note? It's been making the rounds on Facebook.  *facepalm*

Anyway, no need for this to turn into a rant.  This is a happy space where I revel in my luck (skill??) at getting an awesome job with a fantastic company who cares deeply about their employees. 

Even when I wake up in a black mood, I can still work myself out of it by talking about my work.  I'm pretty lucky because I am willing to bet there is only a small percentage of the population who can do that!

Happy Birthday Zumanity!  May you have a long and exciting life!!!!!!